It has been a few weeks since I wrote about my friend’s stillbirth. She is coping the best she can. I think it has been such a blessing to her to have her daughter through this tough time. Not only is her daughter keeping her busy but she seems to be making the grief and loneliness more bearable. It’s been difficult to be far from my friend. I feel like the distance has made me one step removed from the whole event. I think my husband is happy we are not close because he is worried about me becoming too upset and anxious about the tragedy. In a sense, I know he is right. If I was within driving distance, I would be spending a lot of time with her and I’m sure it would be very tough for me. My strong friend makes a point to ask me about my pregnancy every time I talk to her. I think she noticed I don’t bring it up anymore because yesterday she told me she wants me to talk about it and is so excited for me. It was very kind of her to say. Sometimes I think maybe me being far is good for us both right now. I can’t help think that once my baby girl comes she will be a constant reminder to my friend of her loss. That each birthday or milestone my friend will think to herself “that is how old my little boy is supposed to be” or “I should be celebrating this too.” That is a tough and sad thought to have. It was so special to me that we were going to have kids the same age and I am heartbroken for her.
Things have not been all depressing. We had a nice but very busy Christmas. We hosted Christmas dinner and went to my in-laws for Christmas Eve. We also went to a beautiful Christmas Eve mass that left me feeling inspired, at peace and made me want to start going to church more.
In baby news, its safe to say I’m in full nesting mode. The nursery is really starting to come together. We have a crib, dresser, changing pad, a glider, bedding and lots of decor. My husband got me a camera for Christmas so I am looking forward to learning how to use that for lots of baby pics. We also signed up for two classes- one on labor and one on caring for baby. My shower is in 9 days! I’ll post some pics and updates after shower day. Oh and I’m 30 weeks today. I can hardly believe it.