41 Weeks

I’m over here still pregnant. I never expected to go this far. In fact, I expected to go early which has made these last few weeks even more frustrating. I had quite an emotional week. My best friend (the one who lost her baby) is visiting. We have shed some tears together over her baby boy and her sister hosted a very nice fundraiser where we got to celebrate him.  It has been amazing to see her but I do feel a bit guilty about how much of our conversations have focused on my impending birth. I also feel like ever since I passed my due date, I’ve had this sense of urgency for the baby to be here ASAP. Every passing day just feels like a day that something can go wrong. A day I can lose the baby I have been waiting almost three years for. My fantasies of a natural birth have been replaced with fantasies of going to a doc apt and them telling me I have to get an emergency c-section just so she is here and I can stop worrying. Rationally I know this makes no sense and of course I don’t want anything to be wrong, it’s just been so hard to wait with my mounting anxiety. I really went to a dark place on Monday. I live in the northeast and a blizzard cane our way. Monday forecasts were predicting 2 feet of snow for Tuesday. I went into the doctor’s office and basically pleaded for an induction. The nurse-midwife reluctantly agreed to schedule me that evening before the snow started.  Well about an hour before we were to leave for the hospital my doctor called me to tell me all the reasons why my cervix was not favorable for an induction. I felt like a fool. After a lot of tears, my husband talked to the doctor and gave him the background about my friend and how I have been struggling the past week with anxiety and the snow just brought it all to the forefront. From that point on, my doctor was amazing. He told me he understood and I could still come in to be induced. After a lot of back and forth, I decided to be brave and wait out the storm. Since then I have progressed a little bit- dilated slightly more, baby girl moved down and I lost my mucus plug. Due to my progress, my doctor scheduled me for an induction for tomorrow (41 weeks and 1 day). He also did a very thorough examination imcluding a non stress test, ultrasound and cervical check. He said both the baby and I look great. While my doctor says he would push induction to Tuesday if baby continues to do well, he is supportive of my feelings and thinks an induction will go fine this weekend. So the plan is to go to the hospital tonight. They will give me medicine to soften my cervix and insert a balloon catheter to hopefully dilate me more. Then tomorrow morning, they will assess progress and give me pitocon. I know I may be in for a very long road but I am so so ready to meet my girl.

2 thoughts on “41 Weeks

  1. Glad that your Dr listened to your husband about the reasons for your feelings and was an understanding human about them. Makes it a little easier when you feel heard and your feelings are validated. Praying for a smooth delivery for you whether you end up waiting or not! Either way, you’re so close! Congratulations!

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