A Letter to my baby as I return to work…

My Brynn,

Tomorrow baby doll I go back to work ending my maternity leave and this very special time with you that I will always cherish. For the past 166 days since you were born, the 41 weeks before that when you were in my belly and the 2 years before that when your dad and I were trying desperately to bring you into this world, you have meant so much to me. You have been my quest, my heart, my sidekick, my inspiration, my joy. We have (often literally) been attached to each other for so long now. Tomorrow both of our worlds change a bit. A big portion of our day will be spent apart and it is going to be gut wrenching for me not to see your beautiful smile all day. I have cried a lot this past week and I know more tears are ahead. But today more than sadness, I feel grateful.

I know you will never remember this time but I will never forget it. Your giggles, cries, our late nights those early days when it seemed like we were the only two people in the world awake, your playful spirit, bath time, those crazy poop explosions, our feeding challenges and successes, your first fever, your first doctor appointment, your first airplane ride, the joy you bring to your grandparents and aunts and uncles- every bit of these five and a half months has been etched into my memory and heart.

Just as you have learned and grown so much, I have too. A whole new part of my heart as opened up. I have witnessed the beauty and love that can come from sacrifice. I have felt strong and powerful in bringing you into this world and overcoming countless obstacles. I have found peace and stillness in the chaos and anxiety of caring for a newborn. I have strived for balance in being a mother and a wife. I have learned to live more in the moment. I have messed up more times then I can count and discovered the beauty in that too.

As sad as I am to leave this time behind, I am also so excited for the future. Our journey as mom and daughter has really just begun and I can not wait for all of our adventures ahead. Thank you for letting me be your mom- it has already been the greatest blessing of my life.

I love you always,

Mom